Funeral Text written by Papa for C.Side Service April 2011 in New York
For all of us combined, there is but one thing left – consoling smoothing
and benign – memories lingering and quivering sensations that we
may still be aware of in regards to Andilee… remembering and sharing
these thoughts and keeping them alive is for us to do!
In such a way, those memories will be presearved in the ocean of our
thoughts – combined and inside the depths of our hearts… that whenever
we come to think of the time we spent alongside Andilee, the plenty of
moments of bliss of laughter and smiles and that bewildering power of hers
which I’ve always envied her for – albeit clandistinely.
Whenever we come to think about Andy Candy we should strive for unity,
respect and understanding.
When she was only about 1 year old Roger was amazed seeing her having
a ball in the waters of the Mediterranian sea in South France.
At age 6, I was proud taking her for a swimming spree across the rather
cold and gushing waters of our Bavarian “home town river” Isar. The Rafting
it she wanted to spare for later after testing it with her own body. She
took a brave heart to it — like she did later in life towards many
other issues that were important to her.
At last, dear Becky — although I could go on much longer with likewise
adventures involving our beloved daughter — I’d like to evoke the
grandios memory of the three of us exploring Ulysses Islands in the
Dalmatian seas and stumbling back (it was all low lying bushes) towards our
waiting ship with pounding
hearts, with her sleeping on my shoulders, and all that over hills and
vales and stony mountain paths. We reached the ship mooring in that
little harbor just in time in order to set out for new marine adventures
on our sailing tour further South towards Dubrovnic.
Andilee, you gave reason to feel extreme joy and happiness in so many
facets –
to your parents as well as to your friends.
All these impressions fell on soft grounds deep inside your soul.
Already at an early age you often were to manifest an almost Zen style
in your calmness and to have a good feel for that, to be sensitive
enough towards this steadily rolling ocean inside of you. I think I
never will master what you had already mastered, so young. Roll on thou
dark and deep blue ocean roll…
Here is a good saying from a German by the French name of Jean Paul at the turn of the century in the 17 or 18 hundreds: “Like the water of the
ocean life is not getting any sweeter any moment until the moment when
rising unto heaven.”
Even as an angel now- Andrea would have to cry hearing us from above —
leaning over the celestial balkony — talking and telling about her, all
the loving and caring memories, and pondering all about what life on our
planet can really mean.
How just much more compelling, endeavoring, priceworthy and beautiful
it’d would have been if you were to have thought it out and hung on to life
for the sake of really winning, getting and
preserving the upper hand in reality and be able to go on living and
greet and embrace every new “braw” day as if it was a miracle…
This persuasion does “alas” at times elude us and cannot be gotten over so
easily. It is condemned to be an illusion and some of us cannot be saved
from a certain vicious circle… I can only pray that everybody is well
aware of that and will take action accordingly upon any hints of
helplessness, consternation and frustration.
Our beloved daughter Andilee at that one very moment in life was not
able to see her true value and could not realize or even recognize her
absolute preciousness.
*****
From: Juergen Herdieckerhoff
Sent: Dienstag, 10. Januar 2012 03:33
What I really regret the most out of ALL things said to and done to my dear loving daughter Andilee IS not to have realized the extent
of her bewilderment, disorientedness, fearing-the-future, the disappear, disappointment (also stemming from my own person!), feeling not to be loved, or being accepted like she was, what a great person(ality) she had already developed into !!, beyond her very tough facade, cutting edge wit,
good sense of humour, fierce as well as astute behaviourism towards us elders/authority especially…trying to steer full fledge towards adulthood for
quite some time already… I have to say that I missed to create a safe harbour for her instead of opposing her sometimes harsh aggressions and outbursts of anger, defending myself overly strong and thus hardening the lines instead of easing things up by…maybe.. just stepping back for some moments ?..
by saying that I love her nevertheless, although….? by asking more for her opinion, listening to HER voice, even -in another sense- to her fears and
doubts and bickerings and complaints of all sorts…by simply showing her, I´d BE there for her, if she wanted me to…by maybe withstanding even the
wildest, most genuine being-laughed-at coming from her…and still react calmly to it..?
In any case, looking back, I should have understood her quirks and wild movements in every aspect, “lending her an ear” towards her needs, handling many a difficult situation with more care – at least – if not masterly care, like with fragile wings …education wise as well…would have been a better way,
probably.
love, Papa
*****
